Ensign Jason Marsh had to do his very best to keep his brows from furrowing into a deep frown as he walked the corridors of the USS Givens. His steps were measured, almost mechanical, as he headed to his quarters and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach that had started a few hours ago and only kept getting worse.
Behind his back, his hands occasionally clenched and released, while his gaze remained glued to the grey floor that stretched out in front of him, as if expecting to find the answer to his questions there.
When a crew member passed by, he kept his head down. It spared him having to make eye contact with the people who passed and having to wonder why he couldn’t just be as happy and excited as they were.

Jason barely registered the blur of movement in his periphery until a pair of boots appeared right in his path, stopping him short. He froze, his gaze snapping upward to follow the legs and torso they belonged to.

“Sorry,” he muttered before he could gather any semblance of decorum.

“No worries,” said Karsia, her smile easy and her green eyes twinkling with amusement. She adjusted the weight of the crate in her arms. “I own too much stuff. Are you already packed?”

Jason hesitated and shifted his stance. “Still trying to get to it,” he sighed, which was close enough to the truth. He couldn’t entirely banish the undercurrent of reluctance from his voice, and part of him hoped that Karsia would notice.

But to anyone but him, this was a joyful day, and if she had noticed, she dismissed it.

“Better hurry up,” she said with a somewhat distracted smile, already turning to head down the corridor in the opposite direction. “You don’t want to miss the shuttle.”

“Yeah…” Jason nodded vaguely, watching her round a corner before resuming his trek.

When Jason stepped into his quarters, he found them empty. His gaze drifted to his roommate’s bunk, long cleared of clutter and personal items. More than once, he had complained about the fellow ensign’s habit of leaving his things strewn around, but now, the neatly folded blanket just felt wrong.
He shook his head and moved over to his desk, where he dropped heavily into the chair and stared at the blank readout of his personal console. On the dark screen, his reflection seemed distorted and utterly alone.

He didn’t get it. No, that wasn’t quite it.

He understood, at least partly. Over the years, in particular during his teenage years, he had often toyed with the idea of leaving everything behind. Starting over, far away from past mistakes and a family that was all too happy to fixate on every misstep he had ever made.

But this – Starfleet – wasn’t supposed to be the thing to leave behind. This was his escape.

For the first time, he had finally found a place where he truly belonged, not just tolerated. A place where he didn’t have to twist himself into someone else to fit in.

He certainly wasn’t the best engineer Starfleet had ever seen, but he knew he was doing a pretty good job. He had found friends, and something like a family here.

Jason leaned back in the chair. He didn’t want to press the restart button again. Not when he had finally started to feel at home.

Jason spun in his chair before touching the screen. It flickered to life, replacing his frowning face with the interface for his personal log. Maybe, if he could sort through his thoughts and make sense of everything that had happened, he could figure out what to do.

He sat still for several long moments before he began to record. The words came painfully slowly, as if they were getting stuck in his throat, and each word felt heavier than the last.

“A journal entry?”

The unexpected voice behind him sent a jolt through his chest, and Jason’s first reaction was to freeze up. He hadn’t heard anyone enter and hadn’t expected anyone to speak. Slowly, he turned in his chair, and as he realized who the voice belonged to, his posture thawed.

“Yes,” he said carefully. “Hey, Naeric.”

“Can I see?” Naeric asked gently.

Jason paused a moment before surprising himself with a “Sure.”
He didn’t let anyone read his journal – ever – but Naeric had been his best friend since… well, as long as he could remember. Whenever he had felt out of place and needed someone, he had been there for him.

Naeric leaned in, scanning the screen. His brows knit together as he read, and then he turned to Jason.

“You’re not sure if you want to come,” he said slowly, and with a hint of sadness in his eyes. “I understand.”

“I haven’t made up my mind yet, that’s all.”

“I understand that too. It’s a big change. What worries you about it?”

Jason shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I… just… you know, I worked so hard to get into Starfleet. I’m not overly smart, but I’m a hard worker. I finally got where I always wanted to be, and now I’m supposed to leave?”

“It’s a goal you pursued, and you’re proud of reaching it. I’m proud of you for reaching it, too,” Naeric nodded. “What do you like about Starfleet?”

“I like to… explore. I like the ship, and I enjoy my work here. Heck, I even like my roommate most of the time. It’s like a family here,” Jason tried to explain, his gaze dropping to his hands.

Naeric gave another slow nod, considering this for a moment. “Would you like it as much if you were on another ship?”

“I…” Jason frowned as the question seemed to wrap around his chest and squeeze the air out of him. He hadn’t considered that. Did he love being part of Starfleet as a whole, or was it this ship, this crew, that made it special? “Both.”

“What matters more?” asked Naeric.

“I don’t know.”

“You’ve often told me it feels like family here. They’ll all still be there,” Naeric said softly. “And they want you to be there too.”

Jason didn’t doubt the sincerity of Naeric’s words, and as he closed his eyes to bask in this entirely new concept of not just being accepted but being wanted, his features relaxed, and a smile formed on his lips.

They wanted him there. Him. For who he was.

As he opened his eyes again, Naeric’s smile mirrored his own. “If I don’t like it… can I change my mind?” he asked.

“Anytime,” Naeric nodded. “I will never force you to do anything you don’t want. But… I can promise that you won’t hate it. You’ll never have been happier.”

Jason exhaled, and the knot in his chest loosened. Being wanted. Being happy. And Naeric would never lie to him. “Okay… want to help me pack?”

Naeric’s smile widened. “Of course.”